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Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Fuzziness and Friendship

‘Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."” - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

It’s true and philosophical, initially friendship rather acquaintance starts from two things; chemistry and proximity. But it doesn’t just happen, you make them happen. Five places it normally start:

1. Places you hang around (school, university, neighbour, job etc)
2. Areas of activity (sports, cultural, social surrounding etc)
3. Interest (apart from your professional life community event etc)
4. Life events (same struggle, same constraints in life etc)
5. Same believe (in some cases in cast, race, religion, same mother tongue etc)

Today every business is talking about honesty, integrity, relationships, value addition and trust. To achieve that people are meeting, mingling, building different dimensions of human bonding. In the process they also establish friendships and sometimes more than that. Five types of friends you need:

1. Loyal – non-judgmental, they know all your deepest and darkest secrets
2. Wise Guide - inspiring, admirable, pushes you to do better every day. You can open up yourself fully with no fear. You can talk about creativity with vulnerability.
3. Honest & Direct – who can say “Enough. Stop with all that break-up-and-get-back-together drama. You deserve better.” Practical, well-wisher but brutally honest.
4. Support & Shoulder – they always have time for you and you can always cry on their shoulder
5. Confidentiality – they keep your secrets, always fully present with warmth and no diplomacy
On such pursuit we sometimes end up with really toxic people who just eat up our energy and inject negativity in us.

According to author Dr. Jan Yager five types of toxic friends are:
1. Double Crosser - rumour spreading and malicious lies
2. Promise Breaker - break their promises and act indifferent
3. Competitor – they compete everywhere work, home, school, community
4. Fault-Finder - nothing you say or do is ever good enough
5. Self-absorbed – do not take time to listen to you, or care or support
In the journey there are also a few who actually make no positive or negative difference to your state of being. They are just acquaintances, people who you meet frequently in every social setting from business to family matters.
David Morgan rightly said Acquaintances: The space between intimates and strangers. If you then become good friends five things will likely happen even if you are physically miles apart:

1. When you meet after long or short gaps you’re still as weird and dysfunctional as ever before. Scream, Hug, repeat the same things, remembering old memories.
2. Sometimes you act like an old married couple. Feeling extreme nostalgia.
3. Boundaries dissolves, laughing hard, go back to old mood when friendship started
4. You stop asking to try food off the other one’s plate
5. You are just comfortable and feel enjoyment in their present, a sense of fulfilment

Friendship ... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. - Muhammad Ali
Dedicated to friends who taught me life lessons.