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Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Diplomacy – is it a habit or choice?

Recently I had an experience about how diplomatically people talk and I thought to share it. I know a husband and wife team who run a boutique business for a while. Every time I had a chat with them my gut feeling couldn’t find comfort. It’s a bit hush hush all the time, keep cards close to the chest, not opening up fully kind of approach. We both had similar challenging issues with a client. I eventually parted with them (and was much happier for doing so), but they continued to do business with them (I guess).

Now last week I met them in a business lunch. For some unknown reason he was trying to convince me how great that client was. His smile was big, his words were smooth and sincere. While he was gasbagging on about this client’s imaginary positive attributes his body language told me another story. He failed to meet my eyes, looked down, and scratched his neck. I was laughing inside and thinking about diplomacy.

'What is diplomacy?’ I found some answers which include, ‘The art of dealing with people in a sensitive and tactful way.’ or, ‘conveying the message without offending others,’ or ‘wrapping the raw truth in pretty packaging so as not to offend anyone.’ Was this what my colleague was demonstrating?

In my research I couldn’t find any definition that said diplomacy was telling lies, blanketing the truth, parking your honesty, being fake or dishonest or insensitive. In fact, my quest showed that communication in business required honesty, clarity, transparency and vulnerability because these qualities are the birthplace of creativity, trust, and collaboration that gives all parties in the communication process the power to achieve a shared goal.

When you are diplomatic in a negative sense, we subconsciously know we are showing only one side of the coin. We are working is a scarcity mode, hiding the bit that we perceive may only bite us or bypassing the real truth. But truth will ‘out’, and sooner or later your intention will surface. How do we create positive habits of the desirable qualities of honesty, clarity, transparency and vulnerability? I have heard a lot of impressive things about habits: choose good habits and you can change the world; it takes 21 days to change a habit; 1000 hours of focused activity makes you a master.
Now imagine someone is diplomatic in every situation is their lives. So definitely he passed all the above deadlines by miles. So his brain is now designed to be diplomatic, to push the real truth away, not to find the raw beauty of life, not to find the liberating experience can life bring when you have no constraints, always in a stress to cautiously remember what to say rather than what you feel, always know this fake identity.

Now from here you are not true to yourself. The use of complicated jargon, inappropriate body language, inattention, disinterest can create 'noise' in the communication and more so in a relationship. Its really painful to watch for others how lies unfold and rise of uncomfortable situation, emptiness, denying the truth, protecting territory and anger. Unhealthy emotions start within and it ripples around you. When you are not true to yourself its draining, builds wall around us, ongoing conflict inside you.

Research proved that the greatest energy suckers or energy vampires in not being able to speak your truth for fear of the consequences to YOU. As you are covering the authenticity with diplomacy to avoid conflict and direct openness.

It’s good to be diplomatic not to hurt someone but protect your soul, protect YOU first because if you start behaving diplomatic to your own life there is no place to hide, no place get a fresh air, recent experiences makes me wonder whether diplomacy also makes us loose our voices, become “YES” people and tolerate what our souls know is not healthy for us or the rest of the world for each lie we tell our soul, keeps us further and further away from the life we are meant to live.

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